Have you ever noticed that people tend to love others in a way that feels good and convenient to them? Some may like to show love by cooking and create amazing culinary experiences – just forgetting to check if their loved ones are hungry or feel like eating! Some may feel good counselling and tend to offer coaching/advice, when their loved ones just want to vent or aren’t ready to hear it. Others may buy beautiful presents as a way of showing love, when perhaps what was needed most from them was their time.
I’m not trying to blame or point fingers here as we all do this by default; we tend to love people in a way that makes us feel good for loving them without checking if it makes them feel good! Being aware of this concept can be a game changer, it allows us to check what the people in our lives need from us. Have you ever thought of what makes your partner, child or best friend feel loved? It may be very different from what you are doing. If you don’t know, you could simple ask them and it could be the start of an interesting conversation that creates more intimacy.
I invite you this month to pick one person in your life, discover what truly makes them feel loved, and begin to love them in that way. The law of reciprocity says that once you start giving in this way, you will also begin to receive love in a way that makes you feel loved too (from the same person or someone else)! Please feel free to share your feedback and let us know how this worked for you.
It might sound like I’m talking about ice cream, but what I’m really talking about is what version of “I’m not good enough” are you most used to feeling? You may notice I’m not even asking if you’ve felt not good enough, I’m pre-supposing that you have, and I’m inviting you to see what your personal “flavour” is (you know, the one that hijacks your thoughts most often). It could be “I’m not attractive enough, not rich enough, not smart enough, not thin enough, not liked enough, not popular enough, not capable enough, not normal enough, not successful enough”, and the list goes on.
Since judgment is such a big part of our lives, self-judgment is bound to come up, and hence feeling not good enough in some way is an inevitable part of life. It’s what we do about it that will make a difference. Most people are conditioned to believe that it’s wrong to feel this way, and develop coping mechanisms to try and deal with it. One such coping mechanism is denial; pretending to the world that we have never had a self-deprecating thought and overcompensating by trying to prove to everyone how wonderful we are – sadly everyone else can see this illusion except us. Other times we may take these judgmental thoughts as ‘the truth’ and believe that we really are not good enough, which makes our self-esteem spiral down and we attract situations that give us more evidence to believe it. In both cases the self-critical thoughts are still governing our actions.
Perhaps another way out would be to accept and understand that these feelings are a ‘normal’ part of life, and when they do come up, look at that part of you with compassion and acceptance. Accept that “a part of me feels this way because I have judged it, and I give that part of me love and acceptance”. Doing this immediately takes away the power of those thoughts, plus you don’t have to believe in them or overcompensate for them, just watch and accept. Above all know that despite all this mind-chatter, you are good enough!!
We all know that life is a ride of up’s and down’s. Some days we’re pinching ourselves to see if the beauty around us is real, and some days everything feels like it’s falling apart. It’s easy to accept when things are good, however when things seem not-so-great, do you allow yourself to acknowledge that without judging or needing to fix it?
Most of us have an unconscious tendency to judge ourselves when we feel sad or frustrated. We tell ourselves that we shouldn’t feel anything that isn’t ‘good’, and moreover when someone else says they are feeling down we say things like “don’t feel like that”! Have you ever stopped feeling down because someone has said “don’t feel it”? The feeling doesn’t go away. In fact, it makes you feel something else on top of down – now you are down plus guilty for not being okay, or down plus angry at them for judging you. In this sense judging yourself for feeling upset is just going to add another layer to the upset, and this package gets stored in your subconscious mind and body.
I am not suggesting to indulge your story that’s making you feel like a victim so you feel more righteous about it. Instead, I am inviting you to observe your feelings without judgment, acknowledge that you are feeling a certain way and have space for that, and finally give that part of you some love and acceptance.
This allows us to feel safe so we can finally release the uncomfortable feelings from our system and be complete with the experience. Next time when you hear someone saying they are upset or angry, I invite you to just hear them out from a place of understanding (without indulging their story or trying to change how they feel).
People often connect February with ‘Valentines Day’, and all the associations that come along with that.
As children, we would enjoy our birthdays and special occasions because we had no expectations around it. We would be present in the moment and bask in the glory of whatever showed up. As we got older, we began to judge and create conditions such as “only if I received flowers, that means he loves me”, or “only if I am wished at midnight, then I am special”, or even better “the price of the gift shows how much I am loved”. All of these lead to expectations that cannot be met all the time, and instead, these special occasions end up reminding us that we don’t have what we want.
The underlying issue (as always) is our interpretations and expectations. What if this Valentines Day we give up wanting to be in a certain type of relationship with a partner, and focus on being in a loving relationship with ourselves?
Over the next two weeks, I invite you to drop your “should’s”. If you are single, drop any notions of “I should be in a relationship”. If you are in a relationship, drop any notions of “s/he should behave like this”. Set some time to do one loving act for yourself, and be present for whatever else shows up in the day!
I look forward to hearing some of your stories!
Happy New Year to you and welcome to a new beginning!
I know that the last year seemed challenging to many people; it required us to step up and face difficult situations, as well as reassess our health, finances and relationships. If this applies to you, please acknowledge that it’s over now! The year now belongs to the past along with all the pain and drama it may have caused. The only thing you have left is your memory, which contains your interpretations and emotions of what happened.
If any of these memories are bringing back emotional charges that are uncomfortable, get that these interpretations are not serving you. Somewhere in there, you are probably still judging that things are unfair and not ‘right’ towards you. One of the biggest gifts you can give yourself is to shift that perspective by accepting what happened, and looking at what you have learned from the situation. This will free yourself from any emotional pain you are carrying forward from 2018, so you can welcome 2019 with a fresh perspective and be inspired to create what you want.
I invite you to think of one thing from last year that is still disturbing you, and ask yourself if you can drop your current perspective, and instead look at what it has taught you and take it as an opportunity to grow. Here’s to leaving our baggage in the past where it belongs, and choosing to be peaceful over being right this year!
We have an exciting year lined up with fantastic new practitioners in the centre, and lots more workshops and training! I look forward to seeing more of you at our space and being a part of your journey.
As we bid farewell to another year, many of us have the tendency to reflect upon the year and review our achievements (or lack of), and set goals for the new year. Whilst this is a nice exercise, have you noticed that sometimes the same things appear on your list again and again?
For instance if losing weight, getting out of debt, or spending more time with family keeps appearing year after year, chances are you will repeat the same pattern – feel bad about it in December and let it roll over to another New Years resolution in January! Patterns keep repeating until we become conscious about them, realise that doing the same things will NOT produce different results, and begin to do something different to before.
This difference can be as subtle as having a different perception about the goal, feeling different when you think of it, or focusing on what you need to believe to get the goal rather than how bad you feel now when you don’t have it. Since our minds are stuck on the same track, doing any small thing differently changes the track in your mind about the topic, and suddenly you may find that we are moving closer to what we want!
This December, I invite you to review your goals and set them differently; ask yourself the following questions:
- Deep inside, do I really want this? (If you don’t, it’s okay! Perhaps it’s something you thought you should want it but don’t.)
- What unconscious benefits am I getting from not achieving this? (It usually is feeling of being “right”, or not having to be “responsible” for the result.)
- What’s more important to me, getting what I want or keeping that benefit?
- How will getting this goal make a difference to my life in 2019?
- What will life look like, and how will I feel when I achieve this?
- What do I need to believe in order to achieve this?
- Can I imagine myself believing that?
- What is one small step I can take now toward that goal?
I hope that these questions give you some insight towards you goals so you can adjust, recreate or reaffirm them.
Wishing you a beautiful end of the year and loving wishes for 2019!
Have you noticed that sometimes no matter how bad you want something, how hard you pray for it, and how many times you visualise getting what you desire, it just doesn’t go your way?! I’m sure most of you know what I’m talking about, and although it feels difficult, these are the most ‘teachable moments’ that life presents to us. This is where we learn that our conscious inputs cannot guarantee that someone will love us or our situation will change, and the only way out is to let go.
When we feel like we have done everything and yet the situation is the same we have two options; to get angry at life and at God for being so unfair to us, or to relook at the situation with acceptance and get out of the drama! One of the fundamental truths we are living with is that we will experience duality, there will be both light and darkness in our lives, there will be experiences that are both pleasant and unpleasant, and the only thing we have full say over is our interpretation of the situation and our responses.
Praying for a result doesn’t always work, as our conscious mind cannot control what is meant to be and often doesn’t see the big picture or know what is right for us in the long-run. Praying for strength to handle what comes our way and to ‘accept things the way they are’ is far more empowering and something we have full control over. Accepting and surrendering to the way things are changes our filter from ‘why me? This is so wrong!’ to ‘I have what it takes to be with this situation’. It gives us the power to be with people and situations without judging them, gets us out of the role of being a victim (who is suffering), and keeps us far more centred and grounded. You get to a place where you are okay with or without the situation changing, which is extremely freeing (if things do shift – it’s a bonus, and if not you are okay).
To all those beautiful people who are facing more challenges recently, I can understand your pain, and invite you to try the route of surrender & acceptance.
This month, we wanted to shed some light on the purpose of using various healing modalities. We host a suite of different services, and each one has its own place and purpose. When seeking support of any sort, it’s important to know what you are looking for and be clear on whether the modality offered meets your requirements. There can be so many objectives to therapy such as wanting to overcome a fear, releasing a deep-seated belief, discovering why you feel a certain way, enhance a skill, or gaining clarity on an aspect of your life.
Within alternative medicine, certain modalities are great for gaining clarity and diagnosing issues such as tarot reading, palm reading, numerology, or psychic reading. They may not heal or resolve an issue, however, they can provide clarity and direction. Other modalities involve healing where the practitioner shifts something on your behalf, and you feel different after; Reiki healing, Sekham Healing, Chakra balancing, Kinesiology and other types of energy healing fall into this category. This is great for people who feel disempowered or feel like they are ‘suffering’.
If you are looking to shift toxic patterns from the past by understanding what caused it, using your own intention to release it and gain wisdom on how to move forward, then we would recommend types of therapy where the practitioner facilitates you to go within and do you own inner-work. These modalities include hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, and some forms of counselling.
Finally, if you are looking for someone to create a future for you and move you forward, that would be the role of a life coach. At our centre, we see the beauty in all modalities and believe they all have a place. You need to know what resonates with you most at this present time and make a conscious choice of what would support your goals.
Please do let us know if you need any assistance in discovering what’s right for you!
If we stop and try to remember our thoughts from the last 10 seconds, I bet most of us would notice that it’s full of judgment! Perhaps you were feeling annoyed at someone and thought they were ‘wrong’, or you were comparing yourself to another, or worrying about the future and judging that you can’t handle what comes your way. Analysing, comparing, and judging is a big part of our ego and thus it’s second nature to us. It keeps us in the game of needing to be ‘good’ and ‘right’ while proving that others are ‘wrong’, which is the foundation of all conflicts and wars. The end result is that someone is guaranteed to feel lousy, while the other experiences momentary bouts of satisfaction until they remind themselves of another situation, and the proving starts all over again!
If we look at this, our need to judge and our attachment to being right has put us in a cycle of constant sabotage. So if you feel it’s time to bust free from this game, why not try the opposite? Why not accept instead of judge? Acceptance is moving beyond duality, it’s just being able to be with a situation instead of calling it good or bad. If you look at our Yin/Yang symbol of duality you would notice there is a small dot of black in the white part and vice versa; perhaps that’s to remind us that when we judge what’s light it becomes dark, and when we accept what’s dark it turns into light!
What’s one thing you were judging that you could accept?
One of the biggest things that has the capacity to influence us is unhealed traumas of our past. You may have heard of the term “inner-child” before and I want to shed light on what this is.
An inner-child is basically a younger part of yourself that is stuck in the trauma of the past. By ‘younger’, I mean younger than today. It doesn’t have to be a child below the age of 18. If something happened to you yesterday and you didn’t deal with it, then the suppressed upset emotions stay in your body and remain stuck in the moment of the trauma. This becomes your inner-child.
One of the most useful things we could do for ourselves is to keep healing those parts of us that are stuck in the past. What they basically need is to release their toxic emotions, and feel loved and accepted. A great way to give love and acceptance is by having an inner dialogue with your younger selves, and feed them with the love they were craving to feel.
Here is a list that could help you. Tell yourself:
You are loved.
You are accepted.
You are safe.
You are worthy.
You are special.
You are important.
The more we say this to ourselves, the more it raises our self-esteem and we slowly recover from the situations of the past. If you have young children, these are great affirmations to tell them just before they sleep to strengthen their self-worth.
If you want to know more about how your inner child could influence you, I invite you to watch my first Ted talk about “The Little Hijacker in You”.