We often have two conflicting needs that simultaneously occur, the need to stand out and the need to fit in. Logically, we know that we cannot be in both places at the same time, and yet there are parts of us that crave to be special, while other parts want to fit in and be like the rest. Both these needs are responses that derive from a deep underlying fear of not being accepted as part of a tribe, and thus neither approach will give us long-term fulfilment.

Both ‘standing-out’ and ‘fitting-in’ are about seeking external validation to make us feel a sense of belonging. Sometimes that validation comes from being like others, and sometimes it comes from being more than others so that we feel desirable. In either case, we are comparing ourselves to others and judging ourselves against the yardstick of what’s desirable at the time. A yardstick that was created by others, that is completely out of our control, and keeps asking more of us.

The more we seek validation from the outside, the more addicted we get to that momentary high that comes when we receive any type of acknowledgment, and then we need it to feel worthy. My invitation this month is to recognise how you have transferred your right to feel worthy to the likes of other people. The truth is that people will continue to judge; sometimes they will approve of you and sometimes they won’t, it will keep changing. The bigger truth is that how other people are feeling about you says far more about THEM than about you. If you are here at this time, it’s because there is a unique place for you on this planet and you absolutely belong!

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