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If we are above 18, we may think we are all functioning adults, however we may not be functioning as an adult all the time. If you listen closely to your internal dialogue, you may find that sometimes you are telling yourself off harshly, that would be the voice of your inner-parent. Sometimes you are rebelling against or trying to please, that would be the voice of your inner-child. And thankfully, sometimes you would be thinking rationally, looking for solutions, and being understanding towards yourself and others, and that is the voice of your healthy-adult.

It is normal to have different voices, and it doesn’t mean you have a split-personality. These are various sub-personalities within us trying to survive. With awareness, we will be able to distinguish the voice that is healthy and moves us forward, from the voices that are harsh to us or in pain. If we come across our inner-parent or inner-child, we can recognise that the inner-parent wants to protect, and the inner child needs some love. We can be compassionate to these parts of ourselves. To shift back to the healthy adult state, you can ask yourself an empowering question like “what is my positive intention, and how can I rephrase this in a way that is loving to me and others?”

For example, if you want to start a new habit like journaling daily, notice how you say this to yourself. If it is something like “I better not fail this time, or “I need to keep up with others”, that’s not a decision made by a healthy-adult. To tap back into your healthy-adult part, ask yourself how this activity will be loving to yourself and benefit the greater good. Be specific in your intention, for example I will journal for 30 mins at 7am daily. And finally, be flexible to know that if it doesn’t happen one day, how can you find a loving alternative, or accept and move forward.

I would recommend taking a few minutes to check in who made your decisions of the day, and if it is your inner-parent or inner-child, try the practice above to reframe it in the voice of your healthy-adult.

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